Prayer

At youth group tonight my pastor talked about prayer. Which I absolutely love, talking about and doing. Plus I think our church doesn't put that much of an emphasis on it but recently we have been and it's awesome. And I am eager to make it more a part of my life. But anyways, I write about this because I want to talk about how we should approach the answer to the prayers.

I want to start out by stating that all prayers are answered. Yes, all of them. But here's the catch. God answers the prayers, but it is not always the way we think it would be. For example, we may ask for deliverance from lust. He will not just take it away immediately. This is coming from my experiences, but I believe that God will often choose the answer to our prayer that will teach us something and make us better because of it. Because God wants to see us changed so that it will not happen again, and also that we develop patience.

Patience is key in prayer because after you pray, God might take days or minutes to answer you, or he might take years. But who are we to complain?

I feel like the toughest answer though, is when God tells you to wait and be patient. Because that's when you are still facing your problem and it isn't getting better, but it is in that moment that we either trust God or turn from God. And sadly many turn from God to try to do it on their own.

I know this is short but I feel like prayer is such a key component in a Christians life because it gives us a direct communication to our savior and creator. Plus it teaches us to be less self reliant and more trusting in God to act for us instead of us as humans taking things into our sinning hands.
So that's all I had for tonight but I just wanted to talk about prayer a little bit. And we can never pray too much.

Daydreaming

It's been awhile, but I finally have a night to write and something to actually talk about. I have really been struggling lately with reading my Bible and having a good attitude about God in general. And I also have a tendency to become complacent with being good and not saying certain things. But as I've come to grow further away from God, I have come to realize the importance of being close to God and how much my life needs my Savior in it. That doesn't make things easy though. Old habits aren't easily broken. But sometimes God adds the little extra push needed. 

That sometime came tonight when I went to Cru for the first time in a while. It was kind of a spontaneous decision to go, and I had fun and saw friends which is always good. But the message the speaker had spoke to me, maybe not in the way one would think because I have an odd tendency to take something and understand it completely different. Tonight the speaker was talking about how Christ values us and is waiting for us to go, to make that decision to fully trust him, or at least that's the gist of it. He mentioned having a Ready. Set. Go. Attitude. What hit me was how I think I have the "go" down, but I really don't, at least for the present.

I have spent my whole high school career waiting to be senior to have a big impact on my school, but now that it is here, I haven't lived up to my own expectations and I have just been lazy and making excuses to not having an effect. You see, I have wanted to be a pastor for sometime, and I have that set as my goal and all  I can think about is what things like when I will be a pastor. Yet I am missing the point. I am daydreaming. I am wasting such good opportunities to have an impact now. Every Christian, whether or not you are a pastor, should be trying to influence this world. I just think sometimes that I will do it later. I guess that is just my procrastination coming into play. Once God has brought this up to me tonight, I have sort of been ticked at myself for wasting such good chances to spread the word of God and better the world. I need to work in the here and the now. And I also want to stop daydreaming. It's ruining any sort of productivity I have and it makes me take things for granted that God has not even given me yet. One Christian cliche is that God will use you where you are right now, and it's a cliche for a reason, because it's true. 

Now coming from experience, be an impact where you are right now. You do not want to miss the chances God is giving to you to advance the kingdom of heaven. You may take this to heart, and I pray that you do, but may also overlook all of this and think me crazy, which would be true. But one day you will look back and wish you had acted now. So Ready. Set. Go.

Absolute Truth

First, I want to get one thing off my chest, I believe that Christianity is the only way to God. Therefore I believe in absolute truth. But there is one thing I cannot stomach about this phrase. Too often do people believe in absolute truth, and degrade other religions by following what they think to be their way. I am not saying the other religions are right, but I do believe that most religions have ounces of truth in each of them, or at least a common goal behind them.

            Almost all religions agree that something has gone wrong in humanity, that there is suffering, and that there is some sort of hope. Therefore there is something driving everyone to believe in something, whether it is Islam, Buddhism, or you name it. But I only believe that there is one religion, one way that holds the full truth, the absolute truth, in their teachings and beliefs. That is Christianity. Not the fanatical and stereotypical “I hate everyone who is not Christian” type of Christianity, but the kind that the Bible portrays, and the type that Jesus lived.

            Now I do not believe that Christians have it all together, and that we are all perfect. No, that is not even close. Because the truth is, and the Bible recognizes this, is that we are all sinners. Not one is perfect. And we Christians, despite all our aspirations, come not even close. But only to God are we made perfect through the blood of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. I do not want to stray away though, from the fact that Christianity does indeed offer answers to the questions that so haunt our daily lives. “Why am I here? What purpose do I serve? What is the meaning of life?” The answer that God offers though is not well received well by the world because the world cannot know it. Darkness cannot know light. The answer is that we are here to serve God and to give Him praise because he created us. Now one might argue that God may be a tad bit selfish for creating us to please him. To which my answer would be, “If you made a meal with beef, you would not want the beef to sit up and say “I think it’s very selfish of you that you made this entire meal and wanted it all for yourself. Why don’t I have the right to not be eaten?” The point is that that beef was made for a purpose, to be eaten and to satisfy your hunger. So as humans, our purpose is to please God and serve Him because that is why we were created.

            My next point is that Christianity does indeed offer the answers to how we got on this Earth, all without requiring as much faith as Darwinism or the big bang theory.

You would expect me to believe that the started with a huge explosion and somehow, for we do not how, there was matter that just appeared and created the earth and the stars and the universe, and that once the particles matured enough, they developed into some sort of monkeys that turned into humans? I thought I was crazy until I heard that myth. I wonder, if the scientist that created that myth, ever thought about how complex and intelligently this world was created with all of the humans, animals, food chains and natural beauty before they said that it started with a few particles. I don’t know about anyone reading this, but I have never seen two dust particles or something just come up and make some sort of living being. Christianity offers up the truth that this world was thought up by a God who is and who always was. That is the only explanation for how we came to be so complex, and different…yet so intriguingly similar.

            Have you ever noticed that most people all have similar things driving us? We all desire to be loved. We all have a moral code so that we know what is right and wrong. We all worship something, whether it is some sort of god or material possession or even ourselves. I could go on about what we all have in common. The direction I am going with this, is that how could we all be so similar without having the same God creating us?

And have you ever noticed how the things that make who we are, are never truly our own. Our thoughts are usually driven by society, our art is inspired by nature and our lives our shaped by what others tell us to do and not do. You see? Nothing is ever truly original, nothing that we say, do, wear, or think is truly our own. We as humans are impacted by outside things like nature, media, and especially other people. This leads me to my conclusion. We are in this thing together. You don’t change the world by yourself. An individual trying to change the world will only be another sound until someone takes time to hear them. All the time, we reflect back into history and look at Gandhi or Martin Luther King Junior, and even though they are individuals, the only reason they made any sort of impact was because they have a following who reveres them.

            Back to absolute truth. Absolute truth is something that is consistently looked down upon in the world, because it is responded to by “stop being so closed minded” or other similar things. But the ironic thing is that the more open minded you are, the more you lose track of who you are and what makes an individual independent. But if you believe in absolute truth, it is much easier to know who you are and what you believe in because you are grounded in something.

            I want to mention again how absolute truth is not all that it seems. Just because a person believes in absolute truth, it does not mean that he should look down upon other religions just because they know that their religion is the only way. Instead, that person should approach the other understanding that their motives are the same, but only the other has been misled by the schemes of the devil.

            What I have come to realize is that this world has been defiled by sin, but there is hope. Hope in the cross. Hope in the Christ. Hope in the church. There is always hope.

Once in a Lifetime

When I was at work today, I saw this girl in a car that was absolutely stunning. But the thing was, her and who I assumed to be her dad had meant to go to the restaurant neighboring my work. So as the car pulled off, I caught her stare. And to my surprise, it held. I was spraying down a car but I could not take my eyes off this beautiful young women whose gaze held my own. It only lasted seconds, but obviously it made an impact on me. I had no clue who she was, where she had come from or where she was going, but I knew where she was for that moment. The point I'm making, is that there are so many people that come into our lives that leave a lasting impact that you will never see again.

I have met many people that have come into my life for a short time and then disappeared, and if you get a chance, think back to those that you have had. It really echoes the shortness of life, but I think these instances offer us a glance into something far greater, our purpose. As humans, and especially as Christians, we here of our purpose in life so often, and there are so many purposes we are destined to fulfill. But this is another we should add to that list. You see, a lot of the time, the people that leave the most impact are those that are in your life for a short time. Part of this may be that we never got to see their weaknesses like we do our close friends, but I think there is a lesson to be learned from all of this. I believe that we should be living for these encounters, not to be impacted but to leave your mark on the world. Isn't that what Christ did? I mean, he still had those lifelong companions and followers, but take the woman at the well, or the woman caught in adultery that was about to be stoned, or the thief on the cross. Jesus had a crazy amount of these short meetings, yet these stories are what are remembered in the bible. It's not about what you do, but how you use the time you have. It could just be smiling at someone, saying hello, or it may be more like a conversation. Heck, a girl who caught my stare was what inspired me to write this blog post. I want to encourage you all to be impacting this world. It really means something to people when you take time out of your day to be nice or to listen to what they are going through. I'm not trying to say that this should be something you try really hard at. I am just trying to bring attention to this important aspect of life that is often overlooked because we are too busy looking inward not outward. Remember to love.

Inadequacy and Fulfillment

Have you ever felt inadequate? Not worthy to do something or not feeling wanted? Don't worry. You're definitely not alone. I have felt that so many times in my life, and despite what the world will tell you, God is the only place you can find true meaning that is worth you.
Now what made me think of this was when I was reading through Judges, I came across Gideon. Gideon is the typical bible story where he comes from nothing and God uses him to do something great (which I still think is awesome). In the time of Gideon, the Midianites had control over the land of Israel because Israel had turned to idols. But God called on Gideon to rise up and rescue them from Midian. Gideon's response was as followed.
 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”(Judges 6:15) 

It's so obvious that Gideon doesn't think that he is worthy enough to be a leader. The part I find most intriguing, is that after God says that He will be with Gideon, Gideon still asks for God to give him a sign of assurance. This happens throughout Gideon's life. God commands Gideon to do stuff and Gideon asks for assurance. And obviously, God gives him strength and Gideon kicks butt.

But wait, there's more. Remember that Moses guy? Even after God told him that He would be with Moses, Moses still asked for something to say so the Israelites would listen to this stuttering shepherd. And God responded, "I AM who I AM. Tell the Israelites that I AM has sent you." Which I find completely awesome. Look what God did through him after that. Led his people out of Egypt and was their leader for a long time in the desert, not to mention giving him the law, parting a sea, you get the gist.

And what about that Peter guy? Wasn't he always unsure of himself? Like when he went onto the water and started sinking, or that time when he denied Christ three times. Yeah, you get the point. There are so many examples in the bible of inadequate people serving a fulfilling God. What I am getting at is that we do not have to have it all together. And we never will. God will fulfill us and give us meaning, purpose and strength to survive. We just need to be willing. We as Christians should have the Isaiah response to service of, "Here am I. Send me!"

Coupled along with the great commission, I think we have what we need for the right way to go about serving God.

In Matthew 28, Jesus says that all authority on heaven and earth has been given him. And Jesus also assures us that he will be with us to the very end of the age. So I echo what Christ commanded us, "Go, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

So go.

Perseverance

Perseverance is something I don't think many people in our modern world have. And it frustrates me. I see so many Christians especially stop going to churches or being involved in things because they think that there is no fruit from it. To me, that's just a get out of jail free card. I say that because instead of complaining and quitting, why don't you do something about it? You never heard Jesus say "following God is hard so I'm just going to go somewhere where it's more accepted and more people will follow me." You see, it's not about the numbers or even the visible fruit, it's about being apart of God's plan, and doing the best you can to be apart of the advancement of the kingdom of God. The stories we hear now of missionaries were not stories of jumping ship, but of persevering through times when they didn't see God working, but trusted in faith He was. This is more a frustration with people post, but I think their is validity to what I'm saying and I think we should all learn the art of persevering. I've seen people come from extremely hard trials to do some awesome things and really have a positive attitude on life.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)

Brokenness

I feel that I come off so often as someone who has it all together. I don't feel that way about myself, but that's because I know all of my shortcomings and failures. I want to come out and say that I do not have it all together. I am a broken person. I'll admit that in the past I have tried to cover that, and I rarely share my sins and failures with others. It's not so much of a trust issue as it is an issue of shame. The bible says to boast in our weakness. And also, there is no more reason to have shame. Christ has nailed it to the cross. Yet I give in to the lie that I should be ashamed of myself and what I've done. I don't want to be embarrassed of them though. I've learned that the best way for people to be open with you is to be open with them first. And I know I have to set this example even in my youth group, or whatever organization I'm involved in. As a senior, I have people that look up to me, and the more open I am about myself, then the more that others can grow. I am a broken person that has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus on the cross. And I am unashamed.

Encouragement

Isn't it odd that we forget too often that the world wants nothing to do with our Christian faith? In recent weeks, look at all the media backlash against Christian speaking God's truth in regards to gays. I have been so used to living in an America run by mostly Christian ideals that I forget that the world is full of people who hate God and live to stop the advance of the kingdom of God. With all the recent persecution against Christians, (well, its been happening since the time of Jesus, I've just began to see it more) I'm beginning to see clearly that the world is driven by sin. Honestly, I am a bit surprised to see Christianity remain this vocal and prominent in America for so long. My initial reaction to the worlds hatred against the gospel of Christ was that of sorrow and discouragement, but after looking in the bible at many of the stories of persecution against the body of Christ, I saw something different. This is what the living for the faith is all about. We don't  do it because it's trendy or comfortable. We do it for God. And that will typically end in pain, suffering, and death. This should be encouraging to us though! 1 John 4:4-6 says, " 4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them,because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5 They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood." 

Also, in the first 3 or so chapters of John, there are multiple verses that all come across with the same message, that the light came into the world, but the world did not know the light. This means that the light and the darkness in their truest forms, are insoluble. God and evil cannot mix. Yet in America, there has become this grey area that never should have existed.As Christians, our goal should be to not be apart of the darkness, even though we live in it. In the scriptures, there are many examples of people doing things that to the world would be foolish. Look at the way David praised God while dancing unashamed in the streets, the courage Stephen had before the Jewish council that held his life in their hands, the way Paul preached the gospel in chains, and the courage Christ had to die on a cross for something he didn't deserve. That is what my God, our God is about. I can't speak for any of you reading, but I know in my life, I want to follow God like these men of Christ did. As our country and the world pull further away from knowing God, things will get dangerous. Being a Christian will be dangerous and in many cases will cost us our finances, social standing and our lives. But I say bring it on. I want nothing more than to live unashamed of the gospel and to be persecuted for it, for I know that I will be speaking the truth. This world is a dark, dark place, but the Light will shine in it, and for those who want to believe, they will be redeemed. Be unashamed, people.

The Journey or the End

I was watching a movie today and I came to the somewhat obvious realization that most movies usually end up the same way. The bad characters die, the good guy (or girl) will get the girl (or guy) and the conflict is resolved. The funny thing is that despite the viewers knowing what will happen in the end, we still pay money to see it. Why? Why do we keep going back to something that will give us the same result? My conclusion is that we really don't care about the end, we care more about the journey. If you apply it to life, we use what has happened to shape the present, and the future to guide our transformed selves. So it really is about the present, the present journey we are in. As the nostalgic person I am, sometimes I linger too long in the past and pour my mind over the what should have been's or done's. It's torturous sometimes how much I beat myself for past mistakes that have made me a better person. I am also a person who daydreams quite a bit and I always play future scenarios out in my head way before they happen. So what I'm saying is that I am never really fully in the present.  I fully desire to live in the present though, without worrying about the future and holding on to the past. Life is not just a means to an end, it is a journey to an end.

In the definition of the word journey, the dictionary uses the phrase "a long time." Implying that the journey of life is not a shortcut, or a fast track to get to where you want to be. But it's a process that will take awhile and will provide its hardships, but I encourage you all to life that journey you have to the fullest, and not just try to get by waiting for something better.

Perfection

Perfection. It's what we are all looking for but can never get. It's always so close, taunting us as if there was any way we could attain it. If only we ran a little faster, tried a little harder, and had a little more money. But it will always be just out of reach. Look at baseball, there have been 22 perfect games in MLB history. But how far does that perfect go? The pitches weren't always perfect, the calls weren't always perfect, therefore, it wasn't a completely perfect game. We can't make anything perfect, nor can there be anything perfect... apart from God. You see, in our journey towards an unattainable perfection we miss the obvious truth that only in God can we be made perfect. God is obviously perfect, that should be known without saying. But look at His creation, even though sin has diminished creation from perfection, there is no doubt how amazing it is considering how everything in the world works together so intricately and intimately. From food chains, to how bodies are composed, to the way the brain works, it's impossible how something like this could ever just appear. After coming to this realization about how the world is put together, it's hard for me to fathom how we think we can attain any form of perfection without God. Nor why we even bother. We will never find the perfect mate, the perfect food, the perfect anything. Except for the perfect Savior and perfect God.

I was looking up the definition of perfect, and a synonym on the side, was unadulterated. The definition of adulterate is "to debase or make impure by adding inferior materials or elements; use cheaper, inferior, or less desirable goods inthe production of (any professedly genuine article)" 

So when we are searching for some sort of perfection on our own accord, we are searching for an adulterated version of perfection. We desire God, but instead of chasing after Him, we settle for something less that will gratify our desire for a short time, only for us to want more. It's not up for me to give you thoughts for this though, I want you to go out and think about this all for yourself and come to your own conclusion. 

Do Everything in Love

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." -1 Corinthians 16:13-14

So I think that these verses are directed at men, but women can learn from them as well. But I will start by directing it to men.

We as men have a huge responsibility in the church and the family. Later on in 1 Corinthians it says that Christ is the head of the man, and the man the head of the women, and God is the head of Christ. So we as men have to, have to lead the women. Not because they can't lead themselves but because we are called to do that. And as the verse at the top states, we need to be men of courage and be strong. I think that most any man wants to be courageous and strong, but it's that last sentence that can trip up us men. Now some men are able to love naturally, but for a lot of men it is something we have to work at. But that doesn't make it any less essential. Because as my mom once put it, "men desire to be respected, women desire to be loved." Men need to gain respect from their wives, girlfriends and even daughters by being a man of courage and being strong. But as men we have to give women the love they desire and deserve.

Now on to the ladies.
Men want to be respected, as I said before. But first they have to be worthy of your respect. What I mean, is that they have to be strong, courageous, and love. To all the females reading this, I really hope that you are looking for a man like that, have a man like that, or are praying that your man becomes like that.

I'll leave with this, women, respect the man in your life. Men, love the woman in yours.

Also, I am no expert on any of this, this is just how I feel.

I Will Wait For You

I will wait God, for you to work, obeying your commands. You do everything in your own timing. You created the world, you know everything about it. You know all the answers to the future trials I will face. You God, count the teardrops that have been shed. My life is but a speck in your sight, a grain of sand in a desert. But you have used that speck to glorify yourself, in the past and in the future. When everything has fallen around me you were the one who shielded me and took me into your refuge. You've seen me in my weakest moments, and you saw me when I committed my worst sins. You are the only one who has seen me crying on my knees. You know all my imperfections, and faults, and weaknesses, yet you love me. Somehow you love me. You are who I cry out to, and the one I praise. My promises, devotions, and life rest in your hands. My life rests in your hands, and I will wait for you God.

What I'm Feeling Now

You can stop watching it at 12:15. I couldnt find a short clip of this scene.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjBCu4N8bxQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=701s

Now this video may seem very random, but it really portrays what I'm feeling right now. There are so many girls that are good girls, who keep coming my way and opportunities could arise for me to date them. But as Jake says in the video, "I don't want them. I've already chosen." Now I'm not saying I'm all in on one girl, this is the girl I'm going to marry, because thats not what I mean. All I mean is that I found a girl that I really like and I don't want to date or like anyone else. And I'm not going to stop because it might be tough, or take longer than I want. But either way I'm not going to settle for someone else just because I don't get the girl I want. This is unusual that I poured this aspect of my life out on here, but oh well. I just needed to get if off my shoulders I guess.

Following God's Light

"Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." - Isaiah 50:10-11

 So lets all take a minute and admire the pure beauty of the word of God. Then, look deeper into what God is saying.

How I take it, and there are probably a lot more ways to look at it, but I see it as God saying that we can follow our own path, or "walk in the light of our fires and the torches we have set ablaze." One thing I've learned of God is that He will not force us. He obviously has given us the choice to choose our own path ever since the garden. I've seen so many people try to find life by lighting their own torches and doing it their own way. And most of that is because they want to try to show God that they can do it on their own.

We cannot live by trying to find our own way, it will end in disaster. We must follow God's light that he provides through Jesus Christ. There is no other way.

Gettysburg: A Poem

Their cries still linger here, that once were made out of their fear.
The bullets were flying all around, the bodies were strewn across the ground.
The blood flowing out freely from the wounds, this field of grass their dying tomb.
The glimmer of steel and the smell of death, the sound of men heaving their final breath.
Their screams and shouts are but whispers now, barely heard above the crowds.
Their deeds still echo through all the years, through all the families long shed tears.
Now here they lay, naught but bone,
Their immortal deeds etched in stone.

Love and Pain

"I need your hurt, I need your pain, it's not love any other way"- Any Other Way by Tenth Avenue North

Think about it. The only way that we are loved, is if our hurts and our pains go along with it. Now think about this, Jesus loves us. I know that I hear that and think "Oh, that's nice. I'm glad he does." But I really don't think about what he is really doing for us. He is taking all of our hurts, our pain that we have felt from so many life experiences, and all of our crap. That's true love. That's the way he loves His bride, and it's the way all of us as humans want to be loved.

As I've blogged about before, God has really changed my perspective on dating and love. I mentioned in that blog, that God had been teaching me to not think logically about love, but rather with my heart and feelings. Because if I had kept thinking logically about love, I would have seen all of the pain and hurt that goes with the happiness and joy, then I would have turned away from love. But God got a hold of my heart and changed my perspective.

So I normally like to end my blogs with a challenge. For this post, I really want to encourage you all to go out and find out Christ's love for yourself. Dig into the word, all of it, and really look for Jesus' and God's love for us. It's pretty amazing where you find it because it is all throughout the bible. I'll leave you with this awesome video journal from Tenth Avenue North's lead singer from the song Beloved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOaWb7AIVVc

And also a video journal to the song Any Other Way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v99khOnLeQ

Jesus

I'm really tired of people thinking of Jesus as a chill, relaxed dude. In America, Jesus has become "our homie" or a person that only loves and who works for us. Unfortunately many churches would like to think, and do think, that Jesus is a calm, reserved man who lived in suburbia and lived a comfortable life who was involved in church, but not willing to risk too much. Since when did THIS become ok and admirable? We serve THE Christ, our Sovereign LORD. The conservative, religious leaders of the day thought that this man was crazed, a drunkard and had a demon. We serve the man who drove out the shopkeepers in the temple with a whip, the man who hung with the IRS agents of the day, and the druggies. In many and most cases, he condemned those who were most like the modern American Christians. I may be completely wrong about this, but we all have to agree that there is something significantly wrong about America's view of the Savior of the world. I challenge you all to read the gospels and really look at who Jesus was, and go and try to live a life worthy of his calling.

Nostalgia: What Was and What Lies Ahead

"There is no real going back. Though I may come back to the Shire, it will not be seen the same; for I shall not be the same." - Frodo Baggins

I just saw this  quote today, and describes well what I am feeling and thinking right now. I am a very nostalgic person. I love to think back to the days gone by and I remember well what befell in those times, borderline regret on some things. But as Frodo so eloquently states, there is no real going back. The reason why, as he explains, is that we will not be the same. What we have done, what we remember, what we regret, has influenced us and changed us so that we will not make that mistake again. As much as we'd like to be able to hear and listen to advice, we normally don't, well, I normally don't because I am stubborn and need to learn things the hard way. Whether it be using all your time with a person, because you truly never know when it will be your last with them, or wishing you hadn't told a person you had feelings for them because it somewhat altered the friendship, we will always wish we had done something differently. But dwelling on that is like throwing a lit match into an already burning fire. It's pointless, because we cannot change what we did.

So often I imagine what things would be like if my dad were still living. But as I begin to think, I realize that his death is a lot of the reason for me being who I am today. God has really used it for good, and as much as I miss my dad, I wouldn't change a thing. We cannot, as humans and especially as Christians, try to live our lives as if our past could be changed. Because if we do, we will miss the beauty of the current situations by focusing on the masterpiece of the last one. If you look at it that way then you will only have one beautiful portrait of your life rather than hundreds. I really hope that makes sense.

I'm tired so this is going to be a short application. I really want all of you who read this to really think through the decisions you are making and in your head think "will this be something I regret later?" One last thing, try to make decisions that will not make you lose friends or make the relationship different. Friends are some of the most important people in your life and you should think of them when making decisions.

 

 

The Last Moment

This is one is kind of morbid and depressing, so just a fair warning.

As my head is down on the block,
my mind is slowly rewinding the clock.
Like when I let you go,
when my heart became as cold as snow.
Regret clouded my choices,
regret created so many voices.
I have much more to say,
what I should have said when we split ways.
Now it's too late,
and the clock has returned back to my fate.
How did my life become this wreck?
I feel the cold steel on my neck.

A Poem

I see you there up in that tower,
Where your beauty calls to me like a lonely flower.
I will fight for you, if only you'd ask.
if only for you to take off your mask.
For you I would slay a thousand men,
for you I would assault the lions den.
All for just a single chance,
all for a single glance.
I would charge into the enemies shields,
for your love I would not yield.
I would scour the land for a single dove,
if I thought it would help you my love.
But you want no part of me,
and so I rot here in my misery.

It's a Love Story

"The hijacking of the concept of morality began, of course, when we reduced scripture to formula and a love story to theology, and finally morality to rules. It is a very different thing to break a rule than it is to cheat on a lover." -Donald Miller

Once again I'm back on here talking about love, but my opinions have drastically changed on it within the past few weeks. As I've mentioned in some previous post, I recently read the book Wild at Heart. I thought I had seen all the impact it had on me, but apparently I was wrong. What I'm talking about, is that it made me view Christianity and following Christ much more differently than I had before. I have begun to view it more as a love story than theology now. This has tremendously broadened the scope I look at the world through. Before, I had viewed much of the world through a logical lens, as a result, my heart was against any form of love. What I have been realizing, is that God doesn't want us to view the world as logically as many would like to think.

When we look at the world logically, we slowly starve ourselves of our ability to love. And when we look at the world logically, we become complacent in our faiths and lose our ability to see God clearly. I could name off hundreds of stories in the Bible where many paths taken do not make any sense.
Although I am baptist, I have begun to see many ways conservative Christianity, and American Christianity has it's flaws. Those men in the Bible were in contact with God on a personal level, and talked with Him, and he talked back. Why is it now then, that we are complaining that God does not speak to us? He clearly is, we are just looking at it through ways that He has done it in the past, and we are afraid of venturing into the unknown, and also, that we are close minded about the way God works. The beauty of Christianity, the Bible, and our lives, is that we have no clue how God will work. We need to expand our thinking, as the quote above says, "when we reduced scripture to formula." It is abundantly clear to me that the American church has become so focused on figuring out God, that we believe that some formula will be able to master Him.

Instead of figuring out God, we should be constantly looking for new ways God will work and is working. We are becoming like the Jews when Jesus came to die for our sins. They did not think for one second, that God would become man, that this child would be born a baby in Bethlehem, that this man would eat with sinners, and that the Son of God would die and rise again. They became fixated on the idea, that Jesus would come down out of the sky, kick out the Roman empire, and establish an earthly kingdom. Obviously that didn't happen, and since that was in the past, many Christians have no problem believing that. But when God tries to speak to us in new ways, we don't listen, we don't even hear. It is as if we are waiting for Jesus to come into Jerusalem on a different road than the one he actually took when he rode the donkey triumphantly in.

We are desiring God, but we are so hardheaded about it that we miss the most important parts. We cannot seem to grasp though, that God cannot be grasped. One of the reasons I started listening to Christian music so much, is that I thought I would get closer to God through it, as if God was only going to speak through Christian music. I've heard many secular songs recently that have revealed different things to me, and I truly believe God is speaking to me in those moments as well. Before any of you start getting the notion that I am crazy, look at the end of Isaiah 44 and most of 45. God calls out Cyrus almost 150 years before he was to reign in the Persian empire. He ended up becoming the most successful Persian king, because God had anointed him. That's right, in the Old testament God anointed a Gentile king. To the Jews, that's crazy. That's blasphemy. Or is it?  You see, in our tunnel visioned minds, we think that God will only use things that are praising Him, or serving Him directly. But again, the beauty of God is that He is unfathomable, and He does things that no one will expect, that's what makes Him God.

We are so drawn to this idea that God will be harnessed, that we forget how wild God really is. One of my favorite quotes from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is, in reference to Aslan (the Christ/God figure), "He doesn't like being tied down, and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion." Wait, what? God's not tame? No he's not. And neither should our view of a Christian lifestyle be that it is tame.

Going back to the beginning where I said that I was viewing life as more of a love story, it's really changed me. I used to think that I would only date again, or truly like a girl again when it was logical. Then I thought, dating will never happen because what about love is logical? We don't give up our single, self-oriented lives for a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend who will make us angry, cost us money, and annoy the crap out of us. We do it because it's how God wired us. Now applying this to our walks with Christ, we don't follow Christ because it's logical. It will exhaust us, cost us our finances, our social standings, and in many cases our lives. No, we do it because it's the way God made us. He made us to desire a relationship with Him, and for us to follow Him.

I challenge you to broaden the way you look at life, and especially the way you view God and the ways He works. And lastly, remember this; we were made for love.

Ere this Time

Ere this time, the hoofs of the horses pounded on the battlefields,

the green, vast fields where men lay slain and others still fought. 

Ere this time, the clash of steel against steel, strength against strength,

when men proved themselves against others.

Ere this time, the arrows whistled through the air before they plunged into flesh,

and the dying man's breath was heard one last time.

Ere this time, shattered shields covered broken men,

and the victors stood over the bloodied field.

Ere this time, men rode tall in their saddles,

while women dreamed of heroes. 

Ere this time, battles were visible,

fought by armies.

Ere this time, chivalry guided the hearts of men,

and helped the lady in distress.

Ere this time, women were ladies,

and men were men. 

How I long to live ere this time.

If only I lived ere this time.

Me

The long car drives through the back roads,
going no place you meant to go.
The standing in the pouring rain,
feeling freedom once more.
The Autumn leaves falling,
crackling under your feet.
The memories of the past,
merging with what lies ahead.
The wrestling and the fighting,
laughing and crying.
The barefoot running,
ignoring all the pain.
The moonlight talks,
pouring out my heart to God.
The blood flowing down,
but laughing anyways.
The souvenirs,
ageless reminders of what once was.
The sunsets,
showing the beauty of the Maker.
The touches,
that have comforted.
The glances,
that gave everything away.
The late night conversations,
that have left me speechless.
The notes written,
that have meant the world to me.
The things that molded me,
who made me, me.

Purpose and Battle

"I have studied many times,

The marble which was chiseled for me.

A boat with a furled sail at rest in harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

but my life

For love was offered me, and I shrank from disillusionment;

Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid.

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail

And catch the winds of destiny

wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,

but life without meaning is torture.

Of restlessness and vague desire-

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid."

                                                                                                                    -Edgar Lee Masters

I don't think words can describe how much I love this. The part that I italicized is what hits me the most though. I've gone through a lot of this past year and semester following what I thought was meaning, to have a good, safe life. But God showed me through this book, that if my life had meaning, it wouldn't always be safe. This is not to say I'm going to go live dangerously and do stupid things, but I want to not live in such a shell anymore, because it is torture.

Life is full of hard choices, what to eat, when to sleep, and sometimes a little more life altering ones. In my mind though, the hardest ones can be where your heart and mind disagree and battle for control over the decision. I have come to one of those points, and I desperately want my heart to win because I haven't followed my heart in such a long time, it's starving for a decision in it's favor. My mind always seems in these cases though, to add little things along the lines of, "what about this? what about that?" These can be good at times, but to constantly have them going through my head during times of important decisions is somewhat undermining.

God has been teaching me a ton lately and I'm so grateful for that. I know that I need to change in a lot of ways, and it will definitely be a process. God also has been emphasizing the importance of faith.

Where would we be if Abraham weighed the 

pro's and cons of following God's invitation?

Or if Moses took his mothers advice to "never

play with matches" and lived a careful life, steering

away from the burning bush.

And also...

"Gracious uncertainty is the mark of a spiritual life"

We know that following God won't always be the easiest thing to do, or the smartest (in the worlds eyes), or the funnest thing(I am speaking from a worldly perspective), but we also know that it is the best thing, and the most adventurous and in many cases the funnest thing. I'm not saying that we should take stupid risks, but that we should follow God in our lives, no matter where it leads us, and stop trying to live lives of halfhearted devotion and careful obedience. As John Eldredge puts in Wild at Heart,

"The problem with modern Christianity's obsession with principles,

 is that it removes any real conversation with God."

I'll leave you all with this quote from the same book...

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.

Ask yourself what makes you come alive,

and go and do that, because what the world

needs is people who come alive."

Wild At Heart

I recently started reading this book called Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. What this book says is that men are wild at heart, we as men have an adventurous side to us, and we want to fulfill. We are made in the image of God, as are women, but men received different desires, such as the desire to fight for something. In the book, the author writes that many people think that Jesus was just a nice guy. But that if you look closer, you will see that he is a warrior, who fights for his God. He once drove out vendors in the temple using a whip. Men have inside some of the spirit of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah. Men are supposed to be dangerous, adventurous, and ferocious. Many times, people, mainly women react to men's antics as "boys will be boys" and that they need to grow up. I don't agree with that though. I believe that men will need to mess up, prove themselves, and have to fight for something. Which brings me to another thing, men are very argumentative. Many would probably agree, but we in a lot of ways either think we are right, or in many cases such as mine, we like to argue. I'm not going to sit here and write all about how I think God made men and women different. That's not what I set out to do. I just wanted to make it clear that there is a lot of things that women need to learn of men and vice versa.

Trusting God

It's crazy to think that I have 7 days until I am a senior, and that 1 year from now, Lord willingly I will be graduating. As much as I am excited for this, I am kind of freaked out because all that I've ever known is about to change. I've lived my whole life under this shell that I call home. Once I step onto that college campus of wherever I go, I am starting something will change me and really decide the rest of my life. Now I am a very nostalgic person, and thinking back to all the memories I have of my childhood, growing up in this house, my dad dying, and all the memories of high school that I have made already and will make senior year, it really makes me sad that I am leaving all this behind. That being said, I am so excited for the future, even though I have no idea what it holds. This brings me to the purpose of writing this. I was sharing with my friend about how I want to go to Cedarville University to become a pastor. This is truly where I feel God calling me as of now. That got me thinking though, I am going to a pretty expensive college, to go into a field that does not make good money. Now the world, who does not know the extent of God's power and the crazy awesome ways He works, would think this is an absolutely absurd idea and that I should go into a career field that would get me the nicest car, the biggest house, and the wife and the kids and the whole deal. My response to that though, is that that is absurd. Why not serve the God of the universe, who by the way deserves full honor and glory, even if it may lead me into debt. Before I go on, I don't want to imply that God wants us to blow all of our money. He wants us to handle it with care and efficiency, all the while using it for the advancement of his kingdom. Back to my point, I will have to trust God for my college funding, then after that I have to trust God to support me and a possible family later down the road while trying to pay back student loans. It seems to me, that I will be on a cycle, not just financially, but my whole life, where I have to trust God completely to support me and to lead me. The more I follow God, the more I have to trust in him. I cannot help to think of Paul, where he had been persecuted, stoned, imprisoned and shipwrecked. He had given his whole life to the cause of Christ. He had no regrets of his life, even though he had followed God to the point of his own death. He had no bitterness towards God even though he could have. You see, the more Paul followed God, the more Paul had to rely on the goodness of the Lord. Paul even got to a point where he didn't care about his own suffering, as long as the name of the Lord was proclaimed. He trusted God so much that he put his life on the line so that God's name would be praised. That there is trust. Even Jesus had to trust God, trust that his death would become the way by which the world would be saved, and also that he would be resurrected. I want to have this trust in my life. And I encourage all of you reading to aim for the same level of trust that Christ had in God.

Basketball

So I've felt it on my heart that I should try out for basketball this upcoming year. The first open gym was today and it was exhausting and I didn't do all that great. This really goes to show though, that I can't do this on my own strength and talent. I know that God has given me an ability to play basketball but I know that my skill alone will not help me make the team. It's truly a humbling experience because I've realized once again that I can't do things on my own and I have to rely on God. It's cool also because it gives me a huge opportunity to witness to a lot of people and I'm super excited to see how God will use this experience to advance his kingdom. So I would just ask for prayer for this, especially for the strength to persevere through tough trials and to rely fully on God and not on my own strength.

Poems from during school

Tears rushing like a waterfall,
Can't stop now, I've come to far.
I'm going in, I'll give you my all.
Forget the world, they've given me too deep a scar,
My life's for you God, I'll answer your call.
My life's for you God, I'm answering your call.


This was my "valentines day special"

When I saw you in the street, standing out like a rose,
I could not give up hope for my heart it knows,
That your beauty falls on me, as gently it snows,
But you don't know me, for that's how love goes,
Again my heart's alone, like when the rooster crows.

Forgiving

I feel that recently I have seen a lot of people in sin, or confessing sins an stuff like that, and I know I would have used to condemn them and say how bad of a person they are. But I know that within the past year, God had really given me patient love for people, and made me realize that their sin, despite the man made weight added to it, is just as bad as any sin I've committed. I have no room to judge people for their sins because I'm just as much a sinner. I hate it when people sin, but I love helping people through it because I've probably gone through similar or applicable situations where God has brought me out of that sin and I want to encourage them to not give up because there is hope. I absolutely hate it when people condemn one another in sin. We have no room to condemn, but we have to keep each other accountable in our sins and be willing them to confess them to each other. I feel like this has been a reoccurring topic within the past few weeks. I pray that you will confess sins to one another and I pray also that they will not condemn you. I really just want to see more of this in my life and in my friends.

A Broken Heart

So I guess it all started this Sunday night when I watched Courageous. During the movie I could not help but think about my dad and all the time I had with him and all the time I haven't had with him. I haven't really thought about childhood memories in a while because I was so focused my future. But as I near the end of my high school career, I can't help but think back. I even started crying during the movie because of it.
I don't like to sulk in the past, especially with my dad, but the more I got to think about it, the more I realized what I've missed with losing my dad. I long for that relationship with my father that I know can't be repaired, but I do know that I will see him again and I can not wait. It's funny though, how the little things can spark such vivid memories and recollections.
All that being said, I do feel like I have gained so much through losing my dad. I know that I have drawn so much closer to God, and my relationship with my Father in Heaven has grown so much more than it might have if he hadn't died. I don't take things as much for granted as I had. And I have thought more about what my future holds for me. I've come to the conclusion though, that nothing, absolutely nothing is as important as my relationship with God and I'm not going to let anything, no matter the consequences come between God and I.
You may be wondering for the reason of the title because I haven't really explained why it's called that. It's called A Broken Heart because all of the stuff I've been talking about has really impacted my heart this week and really broken my heart down.  I can't wait to take this broken heart on my youth groups ski retreat this weekend and see what God will do.

Poems written in chemistry class

He came to the world,
And the world rejected him.
So into helplessness we were hurled,
But out of the darkness there shone a light though at first dim.
And on that day when hope and love swirled,
We were shown that we're truly forgiven.

The fading memory of my sin,
The rising beauty of your scars,
It's hard to bear what must have been,
On the night when God seemed so far.
With one last breath he forgave us all,
And in victory he rose again,
To give us his one main call,
For us to bring freedom to all men.

Relationships

This has really been a hot topic recently, at least to me. And I have been thinking a lot about what I want in my future wife, what I think a marriage should be about and what sort of a husband I will be. I've come down to the conclusion that the girl I'm going to marry has to be more of my friend than anything. Because once they get older and their outward beauty fades, what's left intact is their heart. I can not wait to love one girl for the rest of my life. And I'm nervous of making a mistake of marrying a girl and not getting along, but that's definitely something I will have to trust God on more and more. But I would 100% be happy with not marrying. I love being single now, but I absolutely love having girls for close friends. So I don't think I could live life without having a girl as a friend. Girls are pretty fantastic, especially once you get past the whole, dramatic girl part, they're cool. Particularly the ones I am blessed to have as my friends. Bebe, Leah, Courtney, Brianna, Shelby and Jordan are the coolest girls I have ever met. In all of them I can see things I want my future wife to have, and that's a testimony to their awesomeness. And I honestly think I understand girls better than most guys. I say that only because despite my sexist jokes sometimes, I respect respectable girls, and that goes a long way (Hint for the guys). And I love being friends with girls, and because of this I choose not to date. I love having a group of girl friends and I feel like being in a relationship is too much of a commitment to one person at this point. Now don't get me wrong and think I hate commitment (Like Sam ;)), because I cannot wait to be committed to one girl for the rest of my life. But I know that it is too soon for me to be searching for that one, and until I think it is time to do so, I won't date. So guys, in the words of my good friend A.J., "You should like girls." And girls, keep being you, and don't be dramatic. And if your the dramatic type of girl, don't be you so you won't be dramatic. Because guys hate drama. Have a great day everyone. :)