Purpose and Battle

"I have studied many times,

The marble which was chiseled for me.

A boat with a furled sail at rest in harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

but my life

For love was offered me, and I shrank from disillusionment;

Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid.

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail

And catch the winds of destiny

wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,

but life without meaning is torture.

Of restlessness and vague desire-

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid."

                                                                                                                    -Edgar Lee Masters

I don't think words can describe how much I love this. The part that I italicized is what hits me the most though. I've gone through a lot of this past year and semester following what I thought was meaning, to have a good, safe life. But God showed me through this book, that if my life had meaning, it wouldn't always be safe. This is not to say I'm going to go live dangerously and do stupid things, but I want to not live in such a shell anymore, because it is torture.

Life is full of hard choices, what to eat, when to sleep, and sometimes a little more life altering ones. In my mind though, the hardest ones can be where your heart and mind disagree and battle for control over the decision. I have come to one of those points, and I desperately want my heart to win because I haven't followed my heart in such a long time, it's starving for a decision in it's favor. My mind always seems in these cases though, to add little things along the lines of, "what about this? what about that?" These can be good at times, but to constantly have them going through my head during times of important decisions is somewhat undermining.

God has been teaching me a ton lately and I'm so grateful for that. I know that I need to change in a lot of ways, and it will definitely be a process. God also has been emphasizing the importance of faith.

Where would we be if Abraham weighed the 

pro's and cons of following God's invitation?

Or if Moses took his mothers advice to "never

play with matches" and lived a careful life, steering

away from the burning bush.

And also...

"Gracious uncertainty is the mark of a spiritual life"

We know that following God won't always be the easiest thing to do, or the smartest (in the worlds eyes), or the funnest thing(I am speaking from a worldly perspective), but we also know that it is the best thing, and the most adventurous and in many cases the funnest thing. I'm not saying that we should take stupid risks, but that we should follow God in our lives, no matter where it leads us, and stop trying to live lives of halfhearted devotion and careful obedience. As John Eldredge puts in Wild at Heart,

"The problem with modern Christianity's obsession with principles,

 is that it removes any real conversation with God."

I'll leave you all with this quote from the same book...

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.

Ask yourself what makes you come alive,

and go and do that, because what the world

needs is people who come alive."