The Disciples

I don't really know what sparked this thought inside of me, but I really do wonder what the disciples were thinking after Jesus died. I mean, everything they had devoted their lives to in the past 3 years had just been crucified. They were leaderless, confused and afraid. Especially for Peter. Peter was the most straightforward of them. And Peter had just attacked a guy and cut off his year, denied Christ three times and was probably the most lost of the group at this time. But if you look in Acts, it's amazing to see what change the Holy Spirit had in him! He went from being the most lost to being the most outspoken of the apostles. And also, what joy must they have had in the upper room when Jesus appeared to them? That would have been an amazing sight to behold.
I feel like this has a deep connection inside me though, and it might have been what sparked this. It's been 3 years now since my dad died, and it's been a both long and short 3 years. When my dad died, that morning and throughout the day, I was confused, lost and afraid. Everything I had known and everything I had grown accustomed to had been stripped from me all in a moments time. I couldn't wrap my mind around the bigger picture. I remember sitting in my room in jeans and a sweatshirt, listening to the radio, and trying to get a grip on the whole situation. I was in shock, the gravity of what had happened hadn't hit me. I was so confused, I had no idea why God had let it happen, the only thing I had at that time left was faith, and a hope that God would use it for the better. And He did, more than I ever could have imagined. And the best part hasn't even come to pass yet. The bible says that we will have eternal life, and that we will be in heaven with those who believed and followed God. I will see my dad again someday, and I cannot imagine the joy of that day. All at once I will be with my father, Jesus, and My Father.
I have no doubt that the disciples were feeling similar things that I was. Obviously they had lost Jesus, and I only my dad. But like I said earlier, I have this heart deep connection with the apostles. And I can visualize what they were going through. Because I still have those memories of that day, or at least some. And when I read about Jesus death and the aftermath in the Bible, it stirs up those memories. But I definitely think that each time I think about that day, I get closer to God on a personal level. It's made me rely so much more on God and I know I wouldn't be here without it. And I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way, looking back on it, and I think the disciples would agree as well. God's plans are perfect, always.