Change in Me

Alright, so I'm just going to say this straight up, my faith hasn't been where it needs to be within the past week and I really want that to change. Despite that, I feel like God is changing me and the way I live my life and especially my outlook on life. I feel recently that God has taught me how to love people as he loves them, and I'm not saying that I am perfect at doing so, but I do feel like God has challenged me to do this. And I believe loving people is one of our calls as Christians. We are not only to be set apart and different from the world, but to show them love while being set apart. Looking at kids in my classes at school, I not only see the desire for love, but also the lack of love they give out. It's sad for me to see people who treat each other with such disrespect and immaturity because if they had Jesus in their life, it would change them from the inside out. I also feel that God has been breaking my heart these past few weeks. I haven't been trusting God as much as I need to and I have been trying to do things on my own strength. But in me doing this, I have lost the strength to fight, to thrive, and to in all live. Something is missing inside my heart, and I know that thing is God. Through all of my "I can do this myself" mentalities, I have kicked God out of my heart saying, "You've done what needed to be done, now it's time to move on." But why? Why on earth would my selfish, self-centered heart decide to kick the one thing that has helped me through all of my struggles and deserves my praise? Because I want the praise for myself. I, unlike Christ, act like equality with God is something to be grasped. But by trying to achieve this, I have worn myself out because I used all of my strength to try to do things myself. 

But I will not give up, no. Because I know that God is waiting for me to come back to him. And no matter how much I don't deserve it, God will receive me back. God is my strength and my portion. He is all I need and want. When the world is crashing down around me I will not fall because my strength is found in God. I've realize that I have minimal if not any strength to do things on my own, and that all my strength is found in God.