A Broken Heart

So I guess it all started this Sunday night when I watched Courageous. During the movie I could not help but think about my dad and all the time I had with him and all the time I haven't had with him. I haven't really thought about childhood memories in a while because I was so focused my future. But as I near the end of my high school career, I can't help but think back. I even started crying during the movie because of it.
I don't like to sulk in the past, especially with my dad, but the more I got to think about it, the more I realized what I've missed with losing my dad. I long for that relationship with my father that I know can't be repaired, but I do know that I will see him again and I can not wait. It's funny though, how the little things can spark such vivid memories and recollections.
All that being said, I do feel like I have gained so much through losing my dad. I know that I have drawn so much closer to God, and my relationship with my Father in Heaven has grown so much more than it might have if he hadn't died. I don't take things as much for granted as I had. And I have thought more about what my future holds for me. I've come to the conclusion though, that nothing, absolutely nothing is as important as my relationship with God and I'm not going to let anything, no matter the consequences come between God and I.
You may be wondering for the reason of the title because I haven't really explained why it's called that. It's called A Broken Heart because all of the stuff I've been talking about has really impacted my heart this week and really broken my heart down.  I can't wait to take this broken heart on my youth groups ski retreat this weekend and see what God will do.

Poems written in chemistry class

He came to the world,
And the world rejected him.
So into helplessness we were hurled,
But out of the darkness there shone a light though at first dim.
And on that day when hope and love swirled,
We were shown that we're truly forgiven.

The fading memory of my sin,
The rising beauty of your scars,
It's hard to bear what must have been,
On the night when God seemed so far.
With one last breath he forgave us all,
And in victory he rose again,
To give us his one main call,
For us to bring freedom to all men.

Relationships

This has really been a hot topic recently, at least to me. And I have been thinking a lot about what I want in my future wife, what I think a marriage should be about and what sort of a husband I will be. I've come down to the conclusion that the girl I'm going to marry has to be more of my friend than anything. Because once they get older and their outward beauty fades, what's left intact is their heart. I can not wait to love one girl for the rest of my life. And I'm nervous of making a mistake of marrying a girl and not getting along, but that's definitely something I will have to trust God on more and more. But I would 100% be happy with not marrying. I love being single now, but I absolutely love having girls for close friends. So I don't think I could live life without having a girl as a friend. Girls are pretty fantastic, especially once you get past the whole, dramatic girl part, they're cool. Particularly the ones I am blessed to have as my friends. Bebe, Leah, Courtney, Brianna, Shelby and Jordan are the coolest girls I have ever met. In all of them I can see things I want my future wife to have, and that's a testimony to their awesomeness. And I honestly think I understand girls better than most guys. I say that only because despite my sexist jokes sometimes, I respect respectable girls, and that goes a long way (Hint for the guys). And I love being friends with girls, and because of this I choose not to date. I love having a group of girl friends and I feel like being in a relationship is too much of a commitment to one person at this point. Now don't get me wrong and think I hate commitment (Like Sam ;)), because I cannot wait to be committed to one girl for the rest of my life. But I know that it is too soon for me to be searching for that one, and until I think it is time to do so, I won't date. So guys, in the words of my good friend A.J., "You should like girls." And girls, keep being you, and don't be dramatic. And if your the dramatic type of girl, don't be you so you won't be dramatic. Because guys hate drama. Have a great day everyone. :)