The Disciples

I don't really know what sparked this thought inside of me, but I really do wonder what the disciples were thinking after Jesus died. I mean, everything they had devoted their lives to in the past 3 years had just been crucified. They were leaderless, confused and afraid. Especially for Peter. Peter was the most straightforward of them. And Peter had just attacked a guy and cut off his year, denied Christ three times and was probably the most lost of the group at this time. But if you look in Acts, it's amazing to see what change the Holy Spirit had in him! He went from being the most lost to being the most outspoken of the apostles. And also, what joy must they have had in the upper room when Jesus appeared to them? That would have been an amazing sight to behold.
I feel like this has a deep connection inside me though, and it might have been what sparked this. It's been 3 years now since my dad died, and it's been a both long and short 3 years. When my dad died, that morning and throughout the day, I was confused, lost and afraid. Everything I had known and everything I had grown accustomed to had been stripped from me all in a moments time. I couldn't wrap my mind around the bigger picture. I remember sitting in my room in jeans and a sweatshirt, listening to the radio, and trying to get a grip on the whole situation. I was in shock, the gravity of what had happened hadn't hit me. I was so confused, I had no idea why God had let it happen, the only thing I had at that time left was faith, and a hope that God would use it for the better. And He did, more than I ever could have imagined. And the best part hasn't even come to pass yet. The bible says that we will have eternal life, and that we will be in heaven with those who believed and followed God. I will see my dad again someday, and I cannot imagine the joy of that day. All at once I will be with my father, Jesus, and My Father.
I have no doubt that the disciples were feeling similar things that I was. Obviously they had lost Jesus, and I only my dad. But like I said earlier, I have this heart deep connection with the apostles. And I can visualize what they were going through. Because I still have those memories of that day, or at least some. And when I read about Jesus death and the aftermath in the Bible, it stirs up those memories. But I definitely think that each time I think about that day, I get closer to God on a personal level. It's made me rely so much more on God and I know I wouldn't be here without it. And I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way, looking back on it, and I think the disciples would agree as well. God's plans are perfect, always.

Awesomeness

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39 NIV)

A Heart Like David's

Now as many of you know, King David wasn't the most righteous person, he sinned constantly and even ordered a man to be killed so David could have the guys wife. Despite this, David had a very repentant heart and sought after the Lord with all of his heart. This is a huge example of what God desires in his children. He doesn't care I'd you do everything wrong, he wants a humble heart that desires him, repents, and turns from it's past ways. To me this is so cool because it shows that I don't have to be perfect, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. There is a song by Chris Tomlin called Your Heart. This song is about King David and it was actually what made me want to write this. Most of the song talks about how David never really wanted any glory for himself, but in not wanting the glory, he got glory, he never wanted riches, but he got them. David was about giving glory to God. I don't know about you but I desire to be like that. I want everything I do, everything I say, and just my presence to impact the people around me. I want to be an encouraging friend and a humble leader. Obviously I want to be more like Christ, but I think that David is a great example, especially for a kid my age. Because around my age now, David was serving Saul and patiently waiting for his time to come. And David was actively serving while waiting. We as Christians should really look at David's life and learn from it in so many ways. But look mostly at his heart.

One Cool Girl

So this year, I met this pretty cool girl named Jordan that was in my chem and algebra class. I never expected her to make an impact on me in all honesty, but once I started getting to know her and talking to her I realized how awesome she truly is. So in all honesty, I started liking her and I was really confused about whether to pursue a relationship that was more than just being friends. This sparked a time where I was really thinking about what the purpose of relationships were, and if it was right for me. After a long time of thinking about it and getting the advice of others, I decided against it. Despite this I still got to know her more and figure out just how awesome she really is. I've also seen a huge growth of Christ in her and that has been super encouraging. Also our fun times in algebra class made it tolerable, and having someone to laugh at all my jokes was a first. I really feel though, that she has impacted my life in more ways than even she knows. And I really hope that I have algebra with her this next semester, that would be awesome. By the way, if you don't know her, I'm sorry, and you should. =)

Change in Me

Alright, so I'm just going to say this straight up, my faith hasn't been where it needs to be within the past week and I really want that to change. Despite that, I feel like God is changing me and the way I live my life and especially my outlook on life. I feel recently that God has taught me how to love people as he loves them, and I'm not saying that I am perfect at doing so, but I do feel like God has challenged me to do this. And I believe loving people is one of our calls as Christians. We are not only to be set apart and different from the world, but to show them love while being set apart. Looking at kids in my classes at school, I not only see the desire for love, but also the lack of love they give out. It's sad for me to see people who treat each other with such disrespect and immaturity because if they had Jesus in their life, it would change them from the inside out. I also feel that God has been breaking my heart these past few weeks. I haven't been trusting God as much as I need to and I have been trying to do things on my own strength. But in me doing this, I have lost the strength to fight, to thrive, and to in all live. Something is missing inside my heart, and I know that thing is God. Through all of my "I can do this myself" mentalities, I have kicked God out of my heart saying, "You've done what needed to be done, now it's time to move on." But why? Why on earth would my selfish, self-centered heart decide to kick the one thing that has helped me through all of my struggles and deserves my praise? Because I want the praise for myself. I, unlike Christ, act like equality with God is something to be grasped. But by trying to achieve this, I have worn myself out because I used all of my strength to try to do things myself. 

But I will not give up, no. Because I know that God is waiting for me to come back to him. And no matter how much I don't deserve it, God will receive me back. God is my strength and my portion. He is all I need and want. When the world is crashing down around me I will not fall because my strength is found in God. I've realize that I have minimal if not any strength to do things on my own, and that all my strength is found in God. 

More poetry written by me

I feel God's love crashing in on me,
as if I were the shore upon a sea.
At times high, at times low,
sometimes falling gently as snow.
Yet always it remains the same,
for His son has bore our pain.
Nothing more, nothing less,
the Son of Man has giv'n us rest.
Forever praise the Song of God,
who has worn our shame, and spared the rod.
His scars remind us of that good day,
when He took all our sins away.
So let's remember today, when we drink our mocha,
that through His son, God sent the quota.
Of the love that our lives should bear,
of the love that we ourselves should share.
For God did not give so that we could hoard,
but for us to share that Christ is Lord.
This is our commission, 'tis our call,
to share to the masses, one and all.
For we are placed, right here, right now,
to advance His kingdom, ev'ry knee will bow.
Let's live for God this very hour,
so that through us He will reveal his power.
In everything, make God the story,
in everything, give God the glory.

What's been happenin

So I have a lot of things to talk about... First off, I feel like I keep desiring love and affection, more so from relationship/girlfriend side. And not to say that's wrong, I can just feel God tugging on my heart saying, "I am your satisfaction, I am sufficient for you and I am all that you need." That's not to say that I won't date ever or not marry, but for now I am going to rely on God for that and grow in that way.

Secondly, I am really proud of my brother. I have seen his faith grow so much in the past few months and seeing from what he's coming from makes it all the more encouraging. I really hope he gets accepted into Cedarville this spring and I think that would be so beneficial to him.

Thirdly and finally, I am so thankful for my friends. I know that sounds so typical and everyone says it a lot, but I truly mean it. I love my group of friends so much and you guys have been such an encouragement to me, especially in my faith but also just having a lot of fun. Plus I am really glad that it consists of boys and girls because it just adds so much more to the table. You guys are awesome.

So I guess I lied about the finally part... One thing I have been doing within probably the past month is I have been writing in a journal different bible verses that I find encouraging and flat out awesome. And it's not just writing their references down, but actually writing the verses. This has been so awesome looking back on it because it really encourages me and just helps me see how awesome God is. A trend I see developing with them is that I always write down the verses where God is saying, I will fight for you, I will be there with you and by your side. And I definitely feel like I love those verses the most because I have gone through situations, especially my dad's death, where I had to rely on God and He did fight for me and did keep my safe. God is so great though. He is so faithful and I really hope you see that in your walk with God because I have and it has been so incredible. In everything give God the glory in your life! Have a great day and may the Lord be with you in all that you do!

Poetry written by Adam

So I was in U.S History and instead of taking notes I wrote some short poems. So I am going to share them because I like them.

Despised and disposed, yet not defeated.
Loved and forgiven, the cycle repeated.
Sinning and hurting, but not condemned.
Replaced and died for, we're on the mend.
Risen and alive, the Son of God has conquered all.
The Sacrificial Lamb has reversed the fall.

Blood flow's down from Calvary's crest
Coming from the wounds engraved in Christ's chest
As pure of blood as there could be
Used to cleanse the sins of you and me

Death was shattered that very day
That Christ was killed, he made the way
He walked this earth and spoke the truth
The scars on his hands are the proof

They said he was led like a sheep going to the slaughter,
but he was far more than just a martyr.
They said he was dead,
if only they could understand he was the bread.
They said his body was taken,
then how did the guards leaved their posts shaken?
They say he was a good man,
but they don't even follow His plan.
They will say He is Lord.
They will say He is Lord.