I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially after the fall retreat, of how am i leader now, and how i should be a leader. First of all, being a leader is something i strove for especially in regards to the younger kids, in Chi Alpha or in school. I try to lead by example, because as it's said, "actions speak louder than words." Then it hit me hard on the fall retreat of how much better of a leader i am if i really do stand up for what's right and use words to portray the message im trying to get across along with using my actions. Like i said earlier, I strove to be a Godly leader, solid young man in Christ and to be courageous, showing no fear in the face of my enemies, whether it be the devil or myself or someone else, to never falter in my belief of God and my relationship with Him, and keep Him first. But as ive matured, ive realized not all of those are always going to be there, I may struggle with my belief for a time or my relationship with Him, or give in to sin or to do things i shouldnt, that doesnt mean i still cant be a leader during those trials. We all know how it goes, our relationship with God goes up and down, from mountains to valleys and back up again on and on and on. But who's to say i cant lead someone while im in a valley, to set an example for someone else when there in the same situation. That is my goal.
I also feel like i havent been the leader i should be, whether it be in Chi Alpha or FCA or wherever. I sit back too often and watch things happen but im always too afraid to jump in the fray and stand up for what's right. The fall retreat made me realize that all too much. I know that God has a plan for me in my life, and i need to not be afraid to jump out of my shell that ive been hiding behind too long and follow that plan. I want to know God, and walk closely with Him as David did, I want to know God like that. Too often in this culture do we get sidetracked by stupid things, and get held back from sharing the name of Jesus because of our ego's, i need to lego my ego. God is the most important thing in my life and i need to start living my life that way, not in the silent Christian lifestyle (which isn't bad, it's just not for me) but in the radical, "wow, that kids got something that i want" way of following God. I know God has something in plan for me, what it is exactly i dont know, but i trust God will reveal it to me in time. I want to be radical, to rebel, to have my life revolve around Him. If you were wondering how you could pray for me, this is it. Pray for me that i will God to whatever end and to stand strong and be courageous. "Peace to the brothers and sisters, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love." Ephesians 6:23-24
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